The wedding season is almost done and dusted for this year. With barely any Muhurtas after Diwali, it is safe to say that the 2026 wedding season has officially concluded. I too had the fortune of being part of this mass matchmaking season, with my own marriage and those of almost all my friends and cousins taking place this year. Amidst all the celebrations, however, there was one disturbing pattern that was impossible to ignore. No, this is not about customs, dowry, or people spending beyond their means. It is about something far more normalised and far less criticised.
Professionalism is a joke in large parts of India’s unorganised service sector. Every wedding I attended, including my own, had one thing in common: people demanding money from the groom or his family for absolutely no legitimate reason. This is not a new phenomenon, but it has increasingly crossed the line from custom into outright extortion. Whether it is the band, caterers, decorators, or even the non-cooking kitchen staff, someone invariably blocks the proceedings and refuses to move until money is handed over.
The tradition of Bakshish is supposed to be voluntary. Bakshish given willingly is a gesture of appreciation; Bakshish extracted through pressure is nothing but harassment. Worse, it disrupts some of the most important moments in a groom’s life. These banjo groups, caterers, decorators, and other workers often earn well through their contracted fees and generous tips received during the Baraat itself. Yet they repeatedly stop the groom for more money—during the Baraat, after the Varmala, during the wedding feast, at Bidai, and sometimes even before the newly married couple enters their own home. At what point does appreciation become greed?
Ironically, if one wishes to invoke tradition, forced Bakshish is itself considered inauspicious. Wealth obtained through coercion is often described as Alakshmi—prosperity that brings misfortune rather than blessings. But clearly, very few are interested in customs when easy money is involved. The moment someone appears economically weaker, any criticism of such behaviour is dismissed as insensitivity, even though extortion remains extortion regardless of who commits it.
The obvious question is: why is this even necessary? Every service provider is already paid for the work they were hired to perform. During the Baraat, many families voluntarily shower cash on the band as a celebration. Yet, once the procession reaches the venue, the same people block the groom again. Even the sacred moment of the bride’s homecoming is interrupted because someone decides the couple cannot enter their own house without another payment. That is absurd. Weddings are emotionally significant occasions, not toll booths. If professionalism is the goal, banjo groups and other vendors should themselves ensure that no member of their staff solicits money outside the agreed fee. Charge a higher package upfront if necessary, but stop institutionalising this culture of coercion.
An equally troubling issue is the organised extortion by groups of transgenders, commonly referred to as hijras. In many places, they stop wedding processions and demand anywhere between ₹10,000 and ₹50,000. During one of my cousin’s weddings, we deliberately avoided putting wedding posters on the bus or decorating the car carrying the bride and groom on the return journey solely to avoid attracting such groups. That level of fear speaks for itself. They often enter wedding halls uninvited, demand money, and refusal is met with public humiliation, abusive language, or disruption of the ceremony. Their blessings (dua) or curses (baddua) should never become instruments of financial coercion. If money is to be given, it should be because someone genuinely wishes to give it—not because they are intimidated into doing so.
At the same time, it is equally true that transgender persons continue to face severe discrimination in India. Greater access to education, dignified employment, and social acceptance would naturally reduce dependence on such practices over time. But discrimination cannot become a licence for intimidation. Every community has experienced hardship in one form or another; justice cannot be achieved by transferring suffering onto others. Transgender persons deserve dignity, respect, and equal opportunities—but like everyone else, they are equally bound by the law and by the basic standards of civil conduct.
Customs deserve respect only when they are rooted in consent. The moment a tradition survives by coercion instead of goodwill, it ceases to be culture and becomes nothing more than extortion disguised as tradition.
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